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What is Domestic Violence?

Abusive Behaviors:
- Signs for Victims
- Signs for Aggressors

Effects of Domestic Violence on Children

Why Victims Stay

Domestic Violence & Sexual Assault Victim Guide

Domestic Violence Restraining Orders

North County Family Violence Prevention Center (NCFVPC)

Personalized Safety Plan

DV Links

Services - Domestic Violence Unit

Personalized Safety Plan

The following steps represent my plan for increasing my safety and preparing my safety and preparing in advance for the possibility of further violence. Although I do not have control over my partner's violence, I do have a choice about how to respond to him/her and how to best get myself and my children to safety.

STEP 1: SAFETY DURING A VIOLENT INCIDENT

1. If we are going to have an argument, I can try to move to a space that is lowest risk, such as ______________________. (Try to avoid arguments in the bathroom, garage, kitchens, near weapons or in rooms without access to an outside door.)
2. If it is not safe to stay, I can __________________________. Practice how to get out safely. What doors, windows, elevators, stairwells, or fire escapes would you use?
3. I can keep my purse and car keys ready and put them ________________________________ so that I can leave quickly.
4. I can tell ________________________________ and __________________________about the violence and ask them to call the police if they hear suspicious noises coming from my home.
5. I can use __________________________________ as my code word with my children or my friends so they can call for help.
6. I can teach my children how to use the telephone to contact the police and the fire department.
7. If I have to leave my home, I can go ________________________________________ or ______________________________ or __________________________. (Decide this even if you don't think there will be a next time.

Use your judgment. If the situation is very serious, give him/her what she/she wants to calm him/her down. You have to protect yourself until you (and your children) are out of danger.

Always remember: YOU DESERVE BETTER THAN THIS!

STEP 2: SAFETY WHEN PREPARING TO LEAVE

Battered women frequently leave the residence they share with the battering partner. Leaving must be done strategically in order to increase safety. Batterers often strike back when they believe that a battered woman is leaving the relationship.

1. I can leave money and an extra set of keys with ____________________________________ so that I can leave quickly.
2. I can keep copies of important documents or keys and some extra clothing with ________________.
3. I can open a savings account to increase my independence. (Preferably opened in a separate bank than that you and your spouse use jointly.)
4. Other things I can do to increase my independence include: ___________________________________________________.
5. The domestic violence programs' hotline number is _______________________________. I can keep change for phone calls with me at all times. I understand that if I use my telephone credit card, the following month's telephone bill will tell my batterer those numbers that I called after I left. To keep my telephone communications confidential, I can either use coins or I might get a friend to permit me to use his/her telephone credit card for a limited time when I first leave.
6. I can check with ___________________________ and ____________________________ and _________________________ to see who would be able to let me stay with them or lend me some money.
7. I can sit down and review my safety plan every ______________________________ so that I know the safest way to leave my home.
8. I can rehearse my escape plan and, as appropriate, practice it with my children. · Remember: If you tell your partner that you'll leave him if he ever hits you again, think about whether you're giving him permission to hit you "just one more time".
   

STEP 3: SAFETY IN MY OWN RESIDENCE

A. If my partner no longer lives with me, I can take action to ensure my safety and my children's safety in my home. Safety measures I can use include:

1. I can change the locks on my doors and windows as soon as possible.
2. I can replace wooden doors with steel/metal doors.
3. I can install security systems including additional locks, window bars, poles to wedge against doors, an electronic system, etc.
4. I can purchase rope ladders to be used for escape from second floor windows.
5. I can install smoke detectors and purchase fire extinguishers for each floor in my home.
6. I can install an outside lighting system that lights up when a person is coming close to my home.

B. I can teach my children to _________________________________ when I am not available.

C. I can inform ______________________________ and _________________________ and ________________________ about who has permission to pick up my children.

D. I can teach my children how to use the telephone to make a collect call to me and to ___________________________ in the event that my partner abducts them.

E. I can inform ____________________________ and ________________________ and _____________________________ that my partner no longer resides with me and they should call the police if he is observed near my home.

STEP 4: SAFETY WITH A PROTECTIVE ORDER

A. I can keep my protective order ______________________________________. (Always keep it on or near your person. If you change purses, that is the first thing that should go in).

B. If my partner breaks the protective order, I can _____________________________________________________.

C. If the police are not responsive, I can ________________________________________________.

D. I can inform ____________________________ and __________________________ that I have a protective order in effect

E. If my partner destroys my protective order, I can get another copy from the ____________________ District Court.

STEP 5: SAFETY ON THE JOB AND IN PUBLIC

A. I can inform ___________________________ and ________________________________ and _____________________ at work of my situation.

B. I can use voice mail, the receptionist or a co-worker to help screen my telephone calls at work.

C. When leaving work, I can _________________________________________.

D. If problems occur when I am driving home, I can _____________________________________.

E. If I use public transportation, I can ____________________________________________________.

F. I can also _________________________________________________________________________.

STEP 6: SAFETY AND DRUG OR ALCOHOL CONSUMPTION

The use of any alcohol or other drugs can reduce a woman's awareness and ability to act quickly to protect herself from her battering partner. Furthermore, the batterer's use of alcohol or other drugs may give him/her an excuse to use violence. Therefore, in the context of alcohol or other drug consumption, a woman needs to make specific safety plans.

A. If I am going to consume alcohol or other drugs, I can do so in a safe place with people who under- stand the risk of violence and are committed to my safety.

B. I can also _________________________________ or _________________________________.

C. If my partner in consuming, I can _________________________________________.

D. To protect my children, I might ________________________________ or ______________________________. The legal outcomes of using illegal drugs can be very hard on a battered woman, may hurt her relationship with her children and put her at a disadvantage in other legal actions with her battering partner. Therefore, women should carefully consider the potential cost of the use of illegal drugs.

STEP 7: SAFETY AND EMOTIONAL HEALTH

A. If I feel down and ready to return to a potentially abusive situation, I can ________________________.

B. When I have to communicate with my partner in person or by telephone, I can _____________________.

C. I can try to use positive self-talk with myself and be assertive with others. I can tell myself that I don't deserve to be beaten whenever I feel others are trying to control or abuse me.

D. I can read _______________________________________ to help me feel stronger.

E. I can call _________________________ and ____________________________ and ______________________________ as additional resources to support me.

WHAT I NEED TO TAKE WHEN I LEAVE:

I can keep the items concerning me in one location. If I have to leave in a hurry, I can grab those items quickly.

IMPORTANT TELEPHONE NUMBERS